Standard Disclaimer: The whole Trigun landscape is not mine nor are the characters created by Nightow. Lawren belongs to another as well. I am not making any money from this work. Please don’t sue me because I really have very little that would be worth much to anyone else!

Looking out over the harsh landscape from my vantage point, I smiled grimly to myself. Vengeance was within my grasp after all these years. I had trudged along the dry landscape for the past several weeks, following a faint elusive trace of the being I had vowed to kill so long ago.

I was older now, nearing forty-five actually. I had never expected to live this long in my youth. Probably the only thing that had kept me alive was my desire for revenge and the rearing of my son Lazarus. My hair was as long as ever, but it now contained faint traces of gray. I tried not to think about it. Legato used to tangle his hands in the mass and smooth it over his bare chest. I miss him greatly at times.

As I started walking across the desert floor, images of the life I had led more than twenty years ago flitted across my mind. I had been a feared killer in my youth, treating the lives of others as worthless and disposable. Had I killed any that did not deserve to die? I was not sure. It didn’t matter anyway. I couldn't change the past. Blood stained my hands by the gallon, and yet, God had somehow managed to let me live a peaceful life for the most part these many years past.

It has been a very long time since I walked out of LR Town with the body of the dead Midvalley. Carrying his dead corpse across miles of empty desert under the burning glare of the twin suns was almost more than even I could stand. It took two days to reach the nearest Fed Office. By that time, the body had bloated and stank with the smell of rotting flesh. At least those fools at the Fed had been able to identify him.

Yes, they gave me trouble when they realized whom I had brought in. One on those stupid men had even gone as far as to suggest that I had been his woman and had killed him for the bounty. Just the thought of allowing Midvalley to put his hands on me had sent a murderous rage pouring over my psyche.

However, my powers of persuasion had finally allowed me to convince them to turn over the bounty money. As I picked up the satchel of money and turned to go, one sharp eyed officer had obviously recognized the heavy white coat draping my frame. He had asked if I knew the current location of one Legato Bluesummers. I stiffened and hesitated before answering his question. "Probably in Hell…"

The man persisted, "You know, there is an even larger reward for Bluesummers?"

I nodded and stepped toward the door again. "Can you at least tell us where the body is or who killed him?"

"Vash the Stampede's brother… Knives Millions."

I hurried out the door of the tiny office, wanting to be as far away from the thought of Legato and Knives as possible.

**********

Where did I go from there? I wandered mostly through little towns, tiny outposts in the deep desert, and large cities. The world was much larger than I had originally imagined. I had seen the worst of people before meeting Legato and after the fiasco of the last couple of months, I withdrew further into myself, trusting no one. I placed my faith in my ability to kill any that annoyed me or got in my way. It had been enough in the past and it would be enough now.

It took about 3 months after Legato's death for me to realize I was pregnant. I probably knew it long before then; I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I was very angry at first. Images of my mother came to haunt me repeatedly as I realized that I was more like her than I wanted to believe.

I screamed at God and the Devil. I cursed Legato for making me want him so badly and then dying just to please his Master and leaving me alone and pregnant. I wanted Knives to die a slow painful death at my hands for taking Legato from me. I railed against my fate until I realized that cursing and bemoaning my situation was not going to help me.

I wandered deeper into the desert to consider my situation. I could rid myself of this unplanned burden or even give the child to a couple desperately wanting an infant. However, after turning my mind inward to the infant I now carried, I soon realized that he could grow to be as powerful as his sire. Possibilities ran through my mind as I realized that Legato's own son could be raised to kill Knives.

While alone in the deep desert, I chanced to encounter Vash the Stampede. He never saw me, but he knew someone was there. I watched, hidden from his view, as he searched the sands until he found a large cross and a handgun. He unearthed a sandy crimson coat and stared at it and at the large gleaming gun, the same gun that had killed Legato.

I remembered the stark look of horror on his face as he pulled the trigger and Legato fell. My chest clenched tightly. Shoving the unwanted feelings aside I watched as he scanned the area and screamed his warning to the wind… "For Love and For Peace…" and I knew what he meant.

As long as Knives lived, there would never be peace. And I also knew that for all of his vicious reputation, Vash the Stampede didn’t want to kill anybody. I nodded grimly as I watched him head off in the direction he had come from. His words had helped me reach a decision. While Vash would try to control Knives' actions, he would not be his brother's executioner. That task would ultimately fall to me or to Legato's son, which I now carried.

Knowing that even I could not be alone when the time came for my son to be born, I made my way to the city of Marchton and there set myself up as a respectable widow, left alone in this world with my deceased husband's fortune and his unborn son.

*********

Darkness fell swiftly in the desert, far removed from the lights of the city. I built a small fire and settled back against a rock to eat a small meal of dried meat and water. It wasn't the best fare I'd ever had, but I had eaten worse in my youth. I stretched my legs out in front of me and glanced down at my frame. I was still very slim with the exception of the slightly round shape of my stomach. It was a reminder that I had once carried an infant there. I sighed softly in the firelight… I tried to be a good mother to Lazarus, but I probably had let me thirst for vengeance cloud my judgement at times.

It was hard for me at first, living in such a large city and being surrounded by so many people. I expected at any moment to be called a butcher and driven from town. But as time had passed, people accepted me for what I appeared to be; a young widow with a small son, living quietly in a moderate home. I hired a local woman to do the menial tasks of cleaning and cooking.

As soon as Lazarus was strong enough to stand the heat of the suns, the majority of my time was devoted to spending long hours at the edge of town, stretching my senses to their limits, trying to keep tabs on Knives. I felt it when he awakened, I sensed that he was up to no good, and then I felt his body explode in pain as he was injured.

My rage was indescribable when I realized he could die. Knives had a large hole blown in his middle and he was loosing blood rapidly. It was my right to kill him. It was what I lived for. I had focused every ounce of power I had in me on him lying so far away. Slowly, I felt his blood stop and seal over the exposed flesh. Blood poured from my own nose with my efforts and I fell into a state of unconsciousness.

When I awoke several hours later, it was night and Lazarus was screaming to be fed. I remembered the sickening feeling as I rolled over and drew him against my side. As I held him to my breast, I tried to find Knives again, but a bright flash of pain shot through my skull, causing me to gasp sharply. I had done too much from too far a distance.

I staggered back to town, clothes and face covered in dried blood, clutching my son to my side. When I arrived at home, Mrs. Evunthe, the older woman I had hired as my housekeeper, had pitched a fit. She was convinced that I had been 'set upon by ruffians' as she put it and that she should immediately summon the doctor.

I put her off with the tale that I had been hiking and had fallen down a small mound of rocks while studying the horizon. I don't think she believed me, but she helped me wash the blood away and tucked me into bed. She was a very nice woman and I often found myself wondering why my own mother couldn’t have been more like her.

****************

I swam back to the present and shifted my weight against the rocks. It had been a long time since I was this alone. Even though I had invited no close friendships in Marchton, there were always people about. The shopkeepers had always called a greeting as I entered their shops, people had smiled their hellos as they passed in the street and Mrs. Evunthe bustled about the house with cheerful enthusiasm until late every evening when she retired to her section of rooms just off the kitchen.

I stared off into the darkness, suddenly alert. It felt as if something was out there. Silently I scanned the surrounding area. No one was there. I was not fearful for my safety. My camp was secluded and surrounded by high rocks on three sides. My back and sides were protected from attack. Some habits died hard. I would not camp in the open. There was always the chance that some outlaw would try to bother me.

I rose to bank the fire and toss more fuel onto it. It blazed merrily in the darkness. I walked the perimeter of the camp and surveyed the horizon in front of me. Lazarus was out there somewhere looking for Knives and lusting after that black haired wench. I had nothing against his desire to select a mate; however, I didn’t want anything to interfere with my plans to kill Knives. Knives was powerful and I would need Lazarus in the end to help me complete my task.

He had been a good son while he was growing up. I had taught him that he had free will and that he should never let anything stand in the way of his desires. As he grew, he began to resemble Legato more and more with each passing year. His voice had taken on the chilling smooth politeness that reminded me so of his father. The only physical feature he had received from me was the startling flash of platinum in his eyes.

Lazarus had been three when his powers had first made their appearance. I had taken him on the first of many journeys into the desert. At a small saloon in Felnarl, we sat quietly eating a small meal. His small legs had bumped playfully against the tall legs of the barstool.

A drunken man, the type I had hated most, approached me as I ate. His slurred words and foul breath had proved he was far-gone with some potent drink. I quietly told him I was not interested; to leave me alone before he lived to regret it. I glanced at Lazarus, who sat wide-eyed watching the proceeding silently. The man grabbed me by the wrist and leaned toward me.

Lazarus had slid silently to the floor and had moved to stand between the man and myself. I tried to push him aside, but his words stopped me cold. "Mother, is this man bothering you?"

Suddenly intrigued by the possibilities, I nodded and awaited his next actions. I could move to prevent him from being harmed if the situation got out of hand.

Lazarus' voice took on a coldness that eerily reminded me of his father. "Please remove your hand from my mother, sir. She doesn’t wish to be bothered by your type."

The drunken man had laughed and a few other patrons sitting close by had sniggered. I felt a subtle change in Lazarus as the man had patted him on the head with his free hand. "Boy, why don't you run along and play out back while your mother and I have a little fun." Howls of laughter had followed.

Lazarus' eyes flashed brightly, "I ask nicely only once…"

The air charged around us as the drunk's laughter was abruptly cut off by a choked cry. I watched in rapt fascination as flesh pulsed on the offender's hand and had smiled, as the sound of bones snapping became audible just before they punctured the surface of his hand. Blood flowed freely as the man screamed hoarsely before fainting from the pain.

Lazarus gave him one last disgusted look before climbing back on top of his stool and calmly resuming his meal. I smiled and ruffled his blue locks before finishing my own meal. Lazarus was already quite powerful and he would be a valuable asset once he learned to fully control his power.

***********

I returned to my place in front of the fire and sighed as I drew my knees up to my chest. Deep down, I missed Legato. I missed the way he could push my buttons and make me killing mad one minute and then turn my blood to liquid fire the next. I missed the thousand little bits of pain he had inflicted on my body just before they melted into mind consuming pleasure.

I had tried to find male companionship for a while many years ago. As a young widow with a respectable amount of money, a handful of suitors had emerged for a while. I scared them away one by one until it was being whispered by some that Mrs. Bluesummers was still so tragically in love with her deceased husband that she had devoted herself to his memory and her child. I laughed at that ridiculous tale. I just knew that no man could ever hope to equal Legato. His only flaw had been that he was too devoted to Knives to ever be free. I lowered my head to my knees and closed my eyes for a few moments.

"Hmmm… such distressing thoughts for one so beautiful. Perhaps I can offer you the pleasure of my company for a while?"

I jerked upright, staring at the tall figure standing before me in the flowing white coat. "Legato…" I breathed softly in the dim light.

The man stepped closer and bowed low before me. "I regret that I am not the one who occupies your thoughts on this night, mother."

I quickly rose to me feet. "Lazarus… it has been too long, my son." I stepped to his side and rose on my toes to kiss his cheeks. He returned my brief embrace, before stepping back and clutching my hands in his.

In the time we had been apart, Lazarus had reached his full height until he was as tall as his father had been. His blue hair fell loosely around his shoulders and one stray lock covered his left eye. If it hadn't been for the platinum gaze, he could have been Legato's twin.

"Do I resemble him so much, mother? Does it bring you pain to look at me? I would not cause you any distress." His voice was filled with concern for my well being. I smiled sadly at him for a moment. He looked so much like his father.

"It has been five long years since we parted and you are still an impudent young pup… listening to another's thoughts without asking permission."

He smiled and shrugged carelessly, "I was passing this way and felt your presence. I could not help but stop to see why my mother had left her home after all these years."

"He is out there…"

"Where?"

I shook my head sadly. "I am not sure of his exact location, but I have sensed him again after all this time." Lazarus gazed into the darkness for a few moments. I studied his profile a moment before continuing; "Your father confirms it."

Lazarus looked startled for a moment. "My father…?" He paused for a few minutes to stare off distantly at the moons. "Mother, have you by chance been out in the sun too long?"

"Been out in the sun too long? Insolent, ungrateful whelp, how dare you think to question me about what I say to you." I snarled in a rage at him.

He nodded politely at me seeking to soothe my anger. "Please forgive my lack of manners, mother. I have only to say that I have been away from your immediate direction for these several years and have forgotten to show you proper respect; however, I am sure that you can understand my hesitancy when you say that my dead father has told you something."

His smooth explanation went a long way in cooling my anger. I nodded at him and made my way back to my seat on the opposite side of the fire. "I forget that you are no longer the young boy who shadowed my side for many years." I gazed upward at his tall figure still standing in the pale firelight. "Come and sit with me for a while and I will explain all to you."

Lazarus discarded the heavy coat and sat on the opposite side of the fire from me. He really could have been Legato sitting there. I smiled at him again for a moment before speaking again. "Perhaps you'd care to tell me about the girl with black hair that I have seen in your thoughts as well."

"I thought you said that it was impolite to listen to another's thoughts without their permission," Lazarus snorted in my direction.

"Ahh, but I am you mother…"

*********

To Be Continued…

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Until the next chapter!

Love & Peace,

Blackhat (^_~)